Paris

So we went to Paris. Primarily to see the Mark Rothko show.
We found this hotel that was probably the worst hotel in France.
"How much is it?" said my companions, who had led me to believe that they spoke serviceable French, when it turned out that I, with an F grade in my French O-level, was the the most fluent French speaker among us.
It went like this.
"Bon jour."
"Do you want to speak to him?"
"Well, I don't know. I thought you were good at French."
"I'm not that good."
"Well, I'm not that good either."
"Well, how not good?"
"I don't really speak it at all."
"Great! Well, what about you."
"I don't speak any French at all."
"Great!"
"Bon jour monsieur. Est'ce que je pourrais vous aider?"
"Great!
Em... Avez vous chambres libre pour ce soir?"
"Oiu."
"Okay. That's good. Oui means yes. That at least means he understands me."
"Well tell him what we need."
"I'm trying to think. I haven't done this in over fifteen years. And I got an F in it!"
"Monsieur?"
"Tell him we need two rooms. We can share a room and Roisin needs a separate room."
"Nous desires deux chambres. Un chambre pour un et un chambre pour deux."
Then he said a load of stuff I didn't understand, but he gave us two keys. So that seemed to be some form of a result.
We got to the rooms, which were up about five or six flights of stairs.
We settled in as best we could. Then Roisin knocked on our door.
"So. What's your wallpaper like?"
"It's pretty bad. Come in and have a look. What's your's like?"
"Worse."
"Well. It is cheap, and we're only going to be sleeping here. Let's go out and get something to eat."
"Good idea."
When we got to the restaurant it transpired that neither Ian or Roisin spoke a single word of French.
Luckily, we went to a Lebanese restaurant, and they didn't speak French either. But they did speak English.
We had a nice meal and a couple of glasses of wine.
Then we went to a pub.
The French don't really do pubs.
We wandered up to Sacre Coeur and looked around. It was really nice all lit up in the night time. Then we went for a drink.
" I'll get these." I said.
"What would you like?"
"A pint of Heineken."
"Trois Heineken, s'il vous plait."
The woman came back and said to me in English, "That will be thirty Euro."
"What!"
"Thirty Euro."
"That's like eight pounds a pint. Are you joking?"
"No."
"Really?"
"No."
"Really?"
"No."
So I just had to pay it. Our hotel was cheaper than that.
Be careful where you drink in Paris.